The age of a beautiful princess in a castle fending off suitors, bringing riches and glory from around the land may be over, but it has been replaced by possibly a more shallow method of relationship building: modern dating. This article is not meant to rail against dating, rather to analyze some of the flaws of the modern dating system, according to Doug Wilson. Wilson is an avid supporter of courting, which involves a man initiating relationship under permission of the girl’s father, followed not just by dates, but intentionally getting to know and understand each other. The idea being that because the relationship is built upon understanding of one another and sub-surface love, it leads to more substantial marriages and relationships that do not involve only impatient action. While plenty of successful marriages have been the fruit of “modern dating,” Wilson argues that far too much of secular dating places its intent in selfish gain and ultimately finds its demise in break-up after break-up or divorce. If the way Hollywood portrays dating, hooking up, and marriage does not already frighten you away from what secular culture wants dating to be, then maybe some scripture will help. The Bible constantly refers to marriage as something much more substantial, meaningful, and ultimately intimate than what we see in modern dating.
“Therefore, a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.” (Gen 2:24)
Becoming “one flesh” is a massively important calling. A relationship built upon being one flesh has something supremely divine at the center of it: an understanding of God’s place in the relationship. Marriage requires a deep understanding of one another below the surface of attraction. This is where I completely agree with Wilson. Most of these so-called modern dates are intended to have fun and to see if you get along with the person, which is fine at first, but if you truly love someone and want to spend the rest of your life with them, then before the relationship gets too serious, something like Wilson’s courting methods may be necessary to determine whether this person you like can become the person you love.
In addition to creating a better foundation for a relationship, Wilson says courting provides “scriptural accountability and protection.” God designed this method in order that men and women might come together in a way that leads to lasting relationship, just like Jesus’ relationship with the church.
This post is meant to cause reflection on current methods of dating and marriage building. Courting is not Biblically necessary for salvation, or even biblical marriage, but if you want to create an environment that fosters meaningful, lasting, and intimate relationship with your future spouse, secular dating may not be the way. God’s intent for marriage often requires a more intentional method.
J. Fletcher Brown 